Blinded, but Alive
by in-Pursuit-Of-Magic-97
Summary: Tommy knew he had to say something now to make her stay, he will deal with everything else later. They will sit and talk and he will make sure she knew how much he had come to treasure her company on lonely nights in the Garrison. How much he had come to enjoy her singing, and not only on Saturdays. How much he loved everything about her, how he had so deeply fallen for her.


**Blinded, but Alive****.**

_because there are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice…_

**Chapter One. **

**September 30, sometime in the afternoon.**

'I've done a terrible thing to you, Tommy.'

Thomas Shelby was a man of few words. With a single hard look, he could silence his family into accepting a plan he proposed, scare his enemies into submission and get his business done in the way it should be. He was used to getting things done without one unnecessary waste of a syllable. It wasn't as if he was averse to speaking or conveying his thoughts on a matter. In truth, Thomas didn't come across many people who could appreciate what he said, or even be able to hold their end of the conversation, if one ensued. So he preferred talking less, doing more. And in the town of Small Heath, Birmingham, it was enough. Or it had been.

For the first time in his life after the war, words failed him. As he held her sapphire eyes with his own questioning ones, Tommy didn't know what to say. Did he want to lash out against her, the woman he had come to love, the woman who had evoked such burning fire of betrayal in his chest. Or should he kiss her and take all her troubles away, get rid of the heart breaking pain reflected in her eyes, for he suspected he knew what she had done and what it had cost her to do so.

He tried searching for answers with his eyes, but she looked down, ashamed. Closing his eyes for a second, he tried to re-think all that had happened for them to get there. A number of events flashed in close succession before his eyes, while he stood transfixed, unable to find words. First, there had been the mysterious killing of the IRA soldier. Then, the search of their warehouses by the coppers. And then, he had his bargaining power taken from him. That was the night that they came for him, to arrest him and then do God knows what to him but Grace had protected him. She had taken him to her home, and they'd drank tea and danced and then made love. It had been a long time since he'd felt such strong affection for someone, and how euphoric it had been. A night worth all he'd spent in France, and the morning so blissful, he'd thought his heart would burst from what this woman, looking at him with her ever so soft eyes, had made him feel.

But, what was going to happen today, was the burning question now.

He wanted to ask her, but he couldn't. The door opened to reveal Arthur and in the next few seconds, he knew what was going to happen. A million scenarios rushed through his mind and he couldn't think of one in which all of them came out unharmed. It was going to be a bloodbath. It wasn't just going to be the matter who won, it had become a matter of life and death. In an instant, Tommy knew he couldn't risk his family and his men against the Kimber's in an all out confrontation. Not like this.

Tommy looked away. Grace didn't utter a word and would still not meet his gaze.

'Change of plans.' Tommy said as he began walking out the door of the room and came to a halt in front of his men at the pub who had already stopped drinking, alarmed at the news. Arthur stopped beside him, looking at him expectantly. He had the undivided attention of all his men.

'If Kimber is coming here with all his men, we won't be waiting to confront them. Since we have the disadvantage of numbers, we will be making use of the element of surprise.' Turning to the messenger, he asked, 'How far along are they, Jeremiah?'

'According to one of my men, the coppers have left the paths clear, as if they have been in on it. We can expect them to reach in an hour.' Jeremiah informed him.

'We have time to prepare then, gentlemen. Let's get to work.' Tommy announced as he led the men towards the exit, eventually stopping near the carriages that they had made use coming in.

The familiar smoke laden air filled Tommy's lungs as he stepped out. His right hand's fingers fiddled with the cigarette box he had in his pocket, eager to take one out, but reluctant. He could not dare relax now, not when Black Star lay in ruin. Although worried for his men, he was satisfied with the fact that the Lee brothers will face no resistance taking control of the racecourses when Kimber and his men were all here, unaware, chasing him.

'Brian, Curly, I want the two of you with your rifles, hiding just outside the dirt path that leads to the Garrison. That is where they'll stop the carriage and start walking,' Tommy fixed the two of them with his stare to make sure they understood their part well, 'Your job is to take out his two bodyguards as quickly as possible. They will be walking one on each side of Kimber, understood?'

Curly raised his fist elated. Tommy smiled briefly at his enthusiasm. Brian answered affirmative for the two of them while Curly nodded, fixing his rifle on his shoulder.

'Good. After you take them down, don't stop, run back here without being seen. Alright?'

Tommy knew he was holding out a big responsibility for a man as simple as Curly, but he had no other option. They were the best men for due to the covertness of the job. Curly's hands were steadiest of the lot and Brian had the best aim with a rifle. But he knew they had to be careful. That is why he stressed the part of not being seen by the enemy. He had no intention of losing any of them to death.

At his signal, the two men went on their way. Tommy turned to the others. 'Everyone else, pick a partner and scatter around the path leading here. Be in hiding until you see the men. Since they would have already lost of their numbers so early, they will be disoriented. And scared. Because they know that this town, belong to us. And they have just set foot in the territory of the enemy. The lion's den. So your job is simple. Create chaos. Take as many as you can down quickly. I want three pairs on this job.'

Tommy finally turned to his brothers and uncle. 'Arthur, John, Charlie. Load your pistols and get on the roof on opposite sides. When the others are attacking, you will wait and when they get near the pub in their severely reduced numbers, you will take aim. Leave Kimber to me. Everyone else, make sure you make an example out of them.'

'Yes Sergeant-major sir!' Arthur barked in his usual cheer as John threw away his toothpick and began to load his pockets with ammunition.

'Danny, you stay here at the back, in the shadows. When I face him, I want you to be ready for my signal in case Kimber doesn't surrender peacefully.'

Tommy dug his hands inside and took out his revolver. Standing side by side with his brothers as they checked their guns, he ran the plan back again in his mind. It was by no means a perfect one but it will have to do. As he finished double checking his pockets, he was assaulted by the need of one last thing he had to do before engaging in this life altering battle. He hurriedly made his way towards the back of the pub, where the barrels were kept.

As he neared the doors, Tommy, in a very long time, almost prayed to the almighty for her to be there.

'Grace!' He spoke at the top of his lungs. Nobody came. He shouted again and the third time, he heard a door open at the end of the room.

Her hands shook as she opened the door, Tommy noticed. There were tear marks on her cheeks, her eyes a duller shade of green, their usual sparkle of mischief nowhere to be seen. His heart suffered unimaginable things seeing her like this. So scared and weak in front of him. Not the bold, confident woman he had come to love so much, despite everything that had happened. Tommy knew he had to say something now to make her stay, he will deal with everything else later. They will sit and talk and he will make sure she knew how much he had come to treasure her company on lonely nights in the Garrison. How much he had come to enjoy her singing, and not only on Saturdays. How much he liked to battle his wits with her, how every time he won an argument, she would smile and he would lose anyway. How much he had come to like her voice, her hair, her eyes,her voice, her skin, her touch. Everything about her. How much and how deep he had fallen for her.

'Grace, please wait for me. Don't go.'

Her tear-stained eyes widened a bit and she wrapped her arms around herself. Tommy continued.

'I have to tell you things, Grace. Things I haven't told anyone in my life. And we will talk afterwards. After this battle. After we've won. Will you please stay, Grace?'

'Tommy, I…'

'Please, Grace. I need to be sure that you'll wait for me to come back. I will tell you everything. You will tell me everything. You will know me, I will know you. But I have to know to come back to you, otherwise I won't be able to come back.'

The meaning behind his words took a moment to register with her and when it did, Grace was shocked. And it showed on her face a moment before Tommy took her in his arms. It was an embrace of love, the bond that had brought two lonely souls together in such horrible circumstances. But circumstances didn't matter when they had each other. That is what Tommy told her, his face buried in her sweet smelling hair as he inhaled for a short moment of the air from paradise.

'Promise me, Grace.'

'I promise.' Grace accepted immediately. How could she not when her heart went against everything her mind was screaming her to do, that is, run away. She had found something to live for, other than her thirst for revenge, and she treasured it. This feeling was profound, her heart swelling in her chest as she chose to wait for the man, this tough, but gentle man who had promised to love her. How could she not when the most notorious criminal of the city, Thomas Shelby had asked her, the strongest man she knew, his voice full of pain and cracking at the end. How could she not agree to wait for him when she wanted from every fibre of her being, to do the same?

She ended the embrace sooner than he liked. But he understood. Grace looked into his eyes and said, 'I can't stay here, Tommy.'

Tommy understood what she was trying to say. He also couldn't expose her like this, not here, where bullets would be flying soon.

'Wait for me at the office then?'

He had framed it like a question, something he didn't ever do. But, as Tommy now knew, there was a first time for everything. His already gruff voice sounded even more rough as his throat refused to obey him. But Grace understood.

'Alright, Tommy.' she said softly, her voice barely carrying over the noise of the wind. Her hands gripped his arms, drawing strength from him. Guilt, like never before coursed like fire through her veins, burning everything in its way, making tears rush to her eyes again. Even now, after all her acts of betrayal, she still found comfort in those arms. A comfort that she could not imagine having anywhere else. She felt at peace there, safely enclosed in the arms of the man whom she had done so many wrongs, yet he didn't hold her in contempt. At least not yet, because she feared, it will change once he learned about the full extent of her occupation. And the worst part was, her heart told her to tell him everything, regardless of the consequences.

Perhaps, a hope lingered somewhere in those wells of guilt and shame, a hope that told her that he might love her still, even after.

She nodded a little as he let go gently and started to go. She knew the risk he was taking, along with his brothers. For the first time in a while, she prayed for Tommy to be unhurt. She prayed for him to come out of this battle alright and healthy because she will never be able to forgive herself if something happened to him today and it would be all her fault. Black star had nothing to do with the guns and the IRA and yet she had still relayed the information to Campbell and now, Tommy was going to pay for it with blood. She wished she could take it back. How she wished she had never said anything about this operation to anyone, let alone the coppers. Campbell was already after Tommy, and now that he knew she had fallen for him, he had taken it personally. And now she didn't know what to do anymore.

It had been a few moments before she regained her senses enough to know that Tommy had already left. She looked around and taking a deep breath, wrapped her coat tighter around herself. Her feet carried her in the direction of the office of the Peaky Blinders, while her heart stayed rooted in place. Her coat, by some miracle, smelled of him, and all she could do was take it all in like the smoke from one of her cigarettes, wishing it stayed in her lungs forever. Or until Tommy came back to her.

* * *

When Tommy returned to the carriages, his men had already gone. It was good, he thought, as they were taking their tasks seriously. He just had one last thing to do now, a backup to ensure their win in case things go awry.

Walking to the last door in the neighbourhood, he knocked thrice in quick succession. The door opened to reveal, much to his surprise, Ada.

'Freddie isn't going anywhere.' Ada stated in a voice that, for anyone else, would have left no room for arguments. But, Tommy merely inclined his head and stared at her as he stood at the door of the house where his old friend was keeping the stolen machine gun hidden.

'I am not taking him anywhere, Ada.' he said quietly. Ada bristled as if he had insulted her intelligence.

'Have you not planned on confronting Kimber with a machine gun which, according to your orders, my _husband _is supposed to carry?'

Tommy knew Ada and Polly would know about the battle and all of their parts in it, but he'd anticipated it to happen only after the confrontation. Now, as he stood facing his angry sister with no time at all to change any of his plans, he tried to calm her down enough to see reason.

'Ada, Freddie isn't going to do anything. He will only be standing while holding the gun to scare Kimber and a few of his men. And I am sure we'll have the battle long won by then.'

'And what if things go wrong and it becomes a shootout?'

'It won't. I will make sure of it.'

'Just like you made sure he went to jail when I was in labour?'

Tommy merely stared as he had no answer for that. He knew he had no part in Freddie getting hauled into prison that day, yet no one in his family, even Arthur, seemed to believe him. And the worst part was, he had still not found out who had given Campbell the information. But, thinking back to just a few minutes prior, the pain reflected in the eyes of the woman he had come to love despite everything, he suspected he would know later today somehow.

'I didn't do it, Ada.' he said it again. He knew she wouldn't believe him, but he had no choice but to reiterate his innocence. Despite what everyone seemed to believe, Tommy Shelby was a man who couldn't be hurt by anyone except those he loved. And that included his family. And it hurt him very much when they outright refused to believe him.

He couldn't face her unrightful indignation again so he looked elsewhere. Freddie was standing at the back of the room, his form a silhouette against the darkness infused by the curtained windows. Stepping to the side, Tommy called, 'Freddie! We need to leave.'

'Oh no, you won't!' cried Ada as she stepped in front of him again, fire behind her eyes, daring him to cross her. Tommy halted in his steps and looked at her again. 'Ada, it's very important that we leave now. Freddie will be unharmed, I promise you.'

'I don't believe you!'

'Ada…'

'I said, Freddie isn't going anywhere with you today. You want to get yourself killed, then go ahead. But I refuse to let my husband to walk into a battlefield, to solve _your problems_. He had nothing to do with this and he isn't going.'

Tommy didn't have anymore time to waste. So he retreated, silently tracing his steps back from the front of the house and walked, faintly hearing a sharp bang of a door being shut forcefully behind him. It was unfortunate that he didn't have his backup anymore, but he had full confidence in his men. After their efforts, Kimber won't have too many men left for him to face alone, and, if he has, well, when has he ever backed out from a challenge? He didn't in France, and he won't do it now, especially not in a battle.

His lips itched for a cigarette between them as he busied himself with checking his revolver again. It will be enough, he determined. Sitting down on the storage portion at the back of the carriage, Tommy refused to let his mind wander as he dug out his watch and looked at the time. The hour was almost up. It was time.

A minute later, his ears caught a faint sound of a gunshot. It seems, they had arrived early. Well, all the same, his men were already where he had instructed them to be. His plan would be successful. They will be successful. They will win. He was sure of it.

A dozen more gunshots-all of which sounded closer than the first-later, he could feel his heart throbbing in his chest, blood rushing to his shoulders, his elbows and his fingers as he took out his gun and held it. It was a familiar feeling, yet a distant one. It wasn't something he could ever leave behind, after the years in the war. He let himself be hyper aware till he could not focus on anything besides the enemy who should be rapidly approaching now.

Tommy stood at the centre of the path, eyes aware, feet steady and hands ready to pull the trigger. He heard a commotion on the far end of the Garrison and saw three, no, four men running towards his direction, as if afraid for their lives. Good. Serves them right. Suddenly a shot rang out and one of the men fell down while the burly man in the centre who he knew had to be Kimber continued to run. He felt relieved to see that each of his bodyguards had been taken care of, as well as most of his men. Only three more men remained, including Kimber himself.

He heard footsteps beside him and saw that Curly and Brian had come back and now stood at right angles to where Kimber now stood panting in front of him, with one hand on his knee and one holding a pistol.

'Will you surrender, Kimber?' Tommy asked simply.

Despite having lost all but two of his men, Kimber glared at him and spat on the ground, just short of where his feet lay, 'Never!'

'You've lost. Admit it, Kimber. Surrender now.'

At the provocation, Kimber seemed to suddenly stand straight and look at Tommy in the eye, 'You will never replace me! You are nothing but a worthless street thug. A mongrel like you will never replace me!'

Tommy took aim and shot the man to the left of Kimber straight in the forehead. Kimber saw him crumbling like a slaughtered pig on the ground, blood oozing from the wound and coating the sole of his shoes. But he dared not take a step and move. For the first time since he had got the information from the coppers, despite the strong outburst, he felt genuine fear creep into his bones. His face reflected the sentiment and Tommy read it quite easily as his face hardened even more.

'Surrender or die.'

Tommy saw some movement to his left in the periphery but didn't pay any attention to it. His eyes remained trained on Kimber as he took a few steps to the front and stood right in front of the deathly pale face of his enemy.

'So is that one of the guns you stole from the coppers? Heard from them that one was missing.'

Tommy chose to turn his head for a split second to look behind him. It was Freddie and he was standing with the machine gun in hand. That was the second that everything went to hell.

Kimber suddenly raised his arm and took aim behind him and before Tommy could react, the man to his right had raised his gun too before he crumbled to his knees as Danny Whiz-bang came out from his hiding spot and shot him. That was the only distraction Tommy needed as he threw himself in front of Kimber's gun as he remembered the promise he had made to Ada. A sudden, intense pain in his shoulder made him sway on his feet. He briefly registered two different voices shouting his name as he struggled to focus on the still standing enemy.

Kimber was still holding his gun, looking smug and it pushed Tommy over the edge. Despite his arm screaming from the trapped bullet, he raised his gun and fired. Kimber's face gravitated from looking smug to shocked and eventually settled on a grimace that made him drop like a match on the ground. Tommy glanced behind and saw a frightened, but alright Freddie walking in quick steps towards him after putting down the large gun in his hands. Tommy slowly moved to stand beside the moaning former racecourse owner and leaned to speak directly into his pained, bloodshot eyes.

'I bet that the coppers told you all about me but left one important detail, eh?'

Kimber's head shot up a bit as he barely rasped out the words from his disobeying throat, 'And what's that?'

Tommy brought his mouth just beside his dying enemy's ear.

'Don't fuck with the Peaky Blinders.' said Tommy as he whipped his gun and let a bullet rush into the ear he had just spoken to.

* * *

The hallway was empty, as was the betting room. The air felt strange to Grace as she made her way towards the office she had agreed to wait in. This semblance of...peace was alien to her. She had come into this town and had only seen the noise and the smoke and the chaos but never peace. It was as if she had stepped into a different world altogether, a world so removed from the harsh chaos of the outside that she felt herself relaxing as she moved to sit in a high-backed chair. She hesitantly admitted to herself that she hadn't felt so relaxed inside her own home, in this strange city.

His office was strangely under decorated, she mused silently. There were only a couple paintings, one on each wall to the side of the large wooden desk that had some large, neatly kept stacks of papers and folders along with a telephone. A large portrait comprising the entire Shelby family adorned the wall behind Tommy's chair behind the desk. Moving to stand a bit closer, she saw the familiar faces of Tommy, Arthur and John along with Polly and Ada and some other faces she didn't recognise. A horse carriage stood in the background, along with the silhouette of the Garrison behind looking at which, she smiled slightly. The Shelbys and the Garrison, now that was a unique bond with an interesting story. Maybe she'll come to know about it someday. Maybe.

She looked around the large room and thought of exploring more, but her heart wasn't in it. Choosing to sit by the hearth, she let herself inhale the soft scent of cardboard, paper and cigarette permeating the room. Closing her eyes, she felt her breathing slow down, calmed by the presence of a soothing rhythm from the crackling embers.

Her heart jumped at the angry bang of a heavy door. Standing up in an instant, she felt her hand go immediately to the safety of her partially open purse where her gun lay. Looking around, she couldn't see anyone but her ears caught two voices in a distance. She moved to the still closed door of the office and put her ear upon it to hear more. Sure enough, two women were talking among themselves, who Grace recognised as Tommy's sister and aunt.

'I will have to apologise when he comes back...I was so harsh to him, and so unjustifiably.' Ada was saying.

'Yes you will, but not only. I didn't believe in him too. I thought he had deliberately let your husband be taken by the coppers when he was on the brink of becoming a father. I should know better...I know Tommy wouldn't do that to anyone, let alone a friend. You're quite right Ada, but he'll forgive you easily, he always does. It's me who will have to earn it over time. I should have known better. I should have.'

Grace knew her charade was up long before she said those words to Tommy, because her heart wasn't in it anymore. But she had never realised the amount of hurt her actions had caused to everyone in this family, and how badly Tommy had to bear the consequences. Her breathing hitched, but she kept listening, unable to keep from knowing how much pain she'd brought him.

'Not this time, Aunt Pol. I know him too, but I ignored that. And you're partly right, Tommy won't say a thing. Not to either of us. He will no doubt go about the day as if nothing's wrong but I don't think he'll forgive. I treated him so badly, and if that wasn't enough, I forbade him from taking Freddie into this battle he had on his hands. He told me he needed Freddie as something of a backup and I didn't let him. I feel so guilty, dear God, I hope he's not hurt.'

Ada seemed to be on the brink of tears, her voice seemed to crack. There was some scraping of chairs and Grace assumed Polly was making the young mother sit.

'Listen to me, Ada. You are not at fault, so stop blaming yourself too much. The person who _is_ at fault will not be spared, however, I assure you. There's only one thing that will blind a man as smart as Tommy. I hope he kills her, if he sets eyes on her again. If he doesn't, then I will. The amount of harm she's done to our family is unforgivable.'

'What do you mean? Who are you talking about Aunt Pol?'

'That barmaid. She betrayed him. She betrayed all of us. We have all suffered so much since the day she got here. When I see her, I will make sure she knows to leave and never come back.'

There was silence for a few moments and then Ada spoke again.

'Was she working with the coppers? Trying to spy on our business?'

'Only God knows what she did and to what extent. The only thing I know is that she was spying for _someone._ It might be the coppers or someone else. I just hope, for her sake, that it isn't that bastard Campbell.'

There was silence on the other end of the door as Grace slowly took her ear off the door and took refuge in the soft cushion of the nearest chair she could find. Feeling no desire to listen anymore, she felt the weight of their conversation settle heavily on her chest and chuckled bitterly to herself.

She had come into this town with one mission and got tangled up in so many things that, her old self would never approve of. But she had changed since then. And if she reflected upon it, she would happily concede that it was for the better. She had come the sole purpose as an agent of the crown to find where those stolen guns were hidden. And now, she had done her job, but stood precariously on the verge of losing everything.

It had been simple enough to spy on the Shelby brothers and their men. Except Tommy, everyone else was too transparent and she could easily procure information in if not one, then two attempts. Eventually, she had managed to bring down the seemingly impenetrable walls of Tommy Shelby too, and as he had begun to trust her with things, she had opened herself to him, as vulnerable as it could get for her, while still maintaining her cover. It should have been a purely professional task, a mission in honour of her father and brother. And now, she had fucked up everything for herself by falling in love with the one man that was the most adversely affected by all of her occupation.

Tears were of no use, so she willed herself not to cry. She could not undo what had happened, and like his sister, she prayed to whatever deity was listening for Tommy to be unhurt.

A sparkle of gold caught her tear-soaked eyes and a moment later, she was looking at a beautiful gold feather fountain pen, sitting inconspicuously on a thick, open notebook. Combining that with the small spark of an idea that had already been in her mind, it became impossible for her to sit and do nothing at all. Tommy would hate her for it, if he didn't after reading what she was going to write. It was a chance to let go of all the secrets, let it all out in the open for him to see. She wanted the lies to end, and for that, she was willing to pour her heart out in this last letter.

For a moment, she felt like she was betraying him again after promising to stay at the office. But she pushed that thought down and focus on what she had to say. He will be horrified and most probably, hate her after. She held a bleak hope that his feelings for her might not change even after her full confession, but she knew it was no good to hope for such an outcome. His family hated her, and with good reason too, and Tommy had the biggest and most damning reasons of them all.

The silence was the same when she finished. There was no sound of voices coming from the outside and Grace felt both relieved and sad at the same time. She had hoped that the Shelby women outside won't go and she'll have no choice but to wait here until Tommy came back but alas, she had no such luck. Looking at the now two full pages of her handwriting composed in dried, blotchy ink, she wondered if she'll ever see him again.

Everything would have been alright if she'd not fallen in love. She would have disappeared one day and never come back after having completed her mission. She had the perfect cover as a simple barmaid and due to her efforts, the plan had gone smoothly until she'd gone and acted upon those blossoming feelings for the man that was in the centre of it all. Now, as she made her way out into the cold outside, she thought bitterly, how all would have been okay if love had not come barging in. As his aunt had said, Tommy would have been okay, happy and his business successful if he'd never been blinded by love. His family wouldn't hate him if it had not happened. And she would have been fine if she hadn't been in love. But as slow resignation began to settle inside her chest, a small, tired smile graced her lips.

Isn't love the perfect reason for everything not to be alright?

That was how the September was about to end.

* * *

**A/N: Just a little something of my favourite couple from the show. Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review if you like. **

**Also posted on Ao3 under the same username. The link in my profile. **


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